Delivered!

I'm done!  I have passed all the exams, done all the homework, and put in all the hours to get my degree in massage therapy.  They must give me my diploma now!

It was exhilarating to finish after so much hard work.  I have to say I have never felt anything like it before!  But wait, maybe I have.  It was a really interesting feeling to finish the exam and know I passed and what's more to know that I had just finished my Degree.  I thought I had never done anything quite like it and then I got to thinking about it and maybe I have.  It feels a bit like  delivering a baby and knowing that it is over, the joy of knowing that I had done something that I didn't think I could do until that moment.  In fact it lasted about as long as pregnancy, plus about two weeks.  So, that means that it was as long as I carried Andie (she was two weeks late).  10 1/2 months.  This was a bit more active work, where being pregnant is more passive.  (The baby and the body does all of that one for you.) For this one I had to study for exams, go to school, take the tests, and do the homework.  And of course the payoff wasn't near as good as a new baby, but it definitely feels great!  Just about as much of a relief as having the bowling ball out of my abdomen and being able to breath, and eat again without getting indigestion. 

The feeling of having a baby is amazing and exhilarating.  My favorite part was always the delivery and finally getting to meet that little person who I had been carrying around for so long.  I would have loved to have had another child or two about 5 year ago, but Heavenly Father had something else in mind for me.  He allowed me to adopt my next two beautiful daughters which then made it so that I would have all my children in school full time this year and need something to spend my days doing.  So, school became my next pregnancy and I have just delivered!  And it is quite wonderful in its own way. I didn't really do things in the proper order, i.e.; go to school, get a degree, get married, have children, etc. so in my own backwards way I have done what I should have done years ago.  But now it is finished.  I am delivered. And it is very exhilarating!  


I have a new profession where I get to help people find health and balance in wholistic ways.  Not a baby, but it will keep me busy while my real, beautiful babies are off learning is their own school.  I must add that while I have gone back to school, my children and husband have been my most amazing supporters.  I have found that I love them even more now, watching them as they sacrificed for me and helped me and were patient with me in this latest "pregnancy". 

An Abortion Surviver

Here is a short video that I really think the whole world should see.  If they all did maybe a few of us would re-think the idea of abortion and realize what an atrocity it truly is!  It will only take you a few minutes and you will come away a better person! This woman knows Christ like very few do.  You can feel it in her voice and see it in her face.  If I were a betting woman I would bet that she is very close friends with Him.  I love where she says that we can learn the most from the least among us.  She is right!

The Ragnar Finished!!!

Well like I told you I would, I did.  I ran the Ragnar this last weekend and boy was it fun, crazy, hard, invigorating, long, interesting, and any other adjective you want to throw in there!  I was impressed how wonderful everyone was along the way.  It seemed that people just couldn't wait to be kind to everyone around them.  I suppose this shouldn't be a suprise as running releases endorphins and therefore everyone there was on a drug overdose, but still it was impressive. 

We had a great team and everyone ran their best.  I enjoyed my night run the most.  I have found that I love running in the dead of night or at dusk.  It seems to be so peacefull and a time that I can tune out all the world and just "be".  It was so much fun running with the theme of "Run Your Butts Off" and having the fake butts to flaunt to the world.  I never felt so physicially liberated in my life.  There I was with my "tush" for the whole world to see.  Of course it wasn't my real tush and I would have liked that one much more than my own, but still it was liberating. 

The point is that I did it and it was wonderful!

Paloma (dove is spanish)

There is a song that every time I hear it I feel inspired and ready to run and do whatever needs to be done in order to find the way forward and change what needs changing in myself to grow, love and become what I am not today.  I go running to this song and feel like I could lift my arms and fly. I can sprint to this song for longer than I can to anything else.  It has a beat that keeps going steady and then picks up like life does sometimes and then slows, mimicing my own progress while always gaining in momentum and joy, picking up the good, leaving the bad.  My life seems to be like this amazing beat and the progress of this song, growing and gaining momentum finding greater and greater love everywhere I go. 

The words are beautiful.  The song is by Carbon Leaf called Paloma.  The copy that is on my blog is NOT a good copy of it, but it is the best on the site.  (I encourage you to find the recorded version.  It is well worth the time and cost!)

The whole song is more than the parts.  I think I could ponder for weeks on the truth inside this song and how as I grow and develop and become cleaner in my intetions, motives and love for others it becomes more beautiful.  As I listen to it I find myself understanding deeper and deeper truths about how fear and untruths keep me anchored to the ground when if I will seek truth and rid myselve of the misperceptions and false truths I have aquired through the years I will be free.  Flying and free. 
Again the quote from Pres. Uchtdorf in my last post is very applicable and as I listened today I found new truth contained in the words, music and spirit of this song that I didn't see or feel before. 

The thunder is what I fear when I start on the path that is my life and what I will have to face to change. There is something called homeostatis that the body seeks at all times.  Homeostasis keeps the body constant, steady, and moving.  This is a good thing except when the body wants to keep itself in an unhealthy place because it doesn't know or can't do any better.  I find that the intellect strives for homeostatis and is afraid of change, wanting to be constant with what it has known even if it can see more and better ahead of it.  I often fear the unknown and cling to the broken because it is familiar and I am in homeostasis. 

This song reminds me that I love the idea of running, chasing the high ground, not worrying about myself but loving others, couragously moving higher and higher finding that as I move, the dreams I seek are all available to me, and always were. I can become more like my hero, Christ if I will let go of the past and move into the present with love and courage.

Here are the words of the song:

Chase the high ground - where you'd rather be
Where you might be found
Face all aglow, to leave from here
To pack up and go
But it takes some time to get away
And you will have to build from what remains
To run it takes the courage of a lamb
To love, the fierceness of a storm

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
Everyone's staring , but no one is caring for you now
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze
Just take the leap... and you're free

Chase the high ground - where you'd rather be
Where you might be found
This move may erase the troubles in your head
Or expose the absence of your soul
And so, it takes some time to get away
And you will have to tear down what remains
And I can't stand for goodbyes
So hold on to me, or lead the way

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
Everyone's staring , but no one is caring for you now
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze
Just take the leap... and you're free

Pace yourself when outrunning fear
Take cover when it's dark
And keep an even keel
In your world you're only a phone away
But in my world you're too far to feel
And it may take some time to learn what's real
And you may have to beg and borrow
And you will surely steal
Remember all those lonely sessions
Turned into yesterday's lessons
To never forget love, to never forget love

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
Everyone's staring, but no one is caring for you now
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze
Just take the leap... and you're free

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
Everyone's staring but no one is caring for...
Paloma you cry out, you beg for connection
The dreams you seek are straight ahead in every direction
Now you're free
Now that you're, you're free
Now that you're, you're free
You're free

Today I watched the greatest thing of all
A flock of birds, preparing for the fall

Summer Time!

It is here! Summer has begun and I know it because school is almost out for my children and even though the sun hasn't graced us with it's shine, I got some sun this last weekend.  First time in a while that the family (yes all of us) went on a vacation.  It was a simple vacation, but so sweet.  We spent 6 days in St. George in a friends little condo.  It didn't have air conditioning (a broken swamp cooler) and only had two bedrooms but it was one of the funnest vacations I remember having. 

My kids are growing up and I am so pleased with who they are becoming.  Yes they still have horrible times when they fight and bicker and I think I am going to pull my hair out.  But then they also have times when they are sweet to each other and serve each other with out any coxing or even me reminding them.  I stand back and watch them be kind beyond my wildest dreams, loyal through and through and have fun and be funny in ways that aren't condesending or sarcastic.  I love them for these times and I am willing to put up with the few times they are horrible to each other because they really seem to be learning and growing to be these amazing people that are light years beyond me.  I suppose that is the point isn't it.  To help your children do better than you did.  Not so much in the worldly things, because those things don't really matter too much I find.  But as Pres. Uchtdorf said "Remeber we are only travelers in this world.  Let us not devote our God-given talents and energies soley to setting earthly anchors, but rather let us spend our days growing spiritual wings. For as (children) of the most High God we were created to soar unto new horizions."

I love that quote!  He is so right.  Why do we worry about the anchors of this world when we can grow wings to fly?  My older kids are learning to fly!  The youngers are still anchored to the soil, but the olders are making great headway to the sky.  I love it!  This is the joy of motherhood!  Hopefully they will all find wings more intereating and have a desire to fly. 

Finals!

It's done and now we are into the second term of MCU.  I wont lie, it was really hard!  I worked my butt off and stayed up more hours than I should have and burned more brain cells up studying than is healthy, but it was all worth it.  I got my first 4.0 in my life!  Yep you heard it, I got all A's!  I have spent 15 years in school and never before this quarter have I been able to do this.  So I want to celebrate and tell the world I did it!!!!  Now I hope that the information sticks and I am able to use it sometime in the future and not have it all seep out of my skin while I shower tomorrow morning! 

The real hero of this whole thing is Paul!!! With out him I would have failed!  He has been an amazing husband.  He has cooked every meal, tucked in the kids and quieted the troops while I sequestered myself in my room and poured myself into the books!  I am so grateful to have this amazing husband!  He was excited for me and thrilled that I am learning and doing so well also.  I really appreciate his devotion and support. 

This next term is going to be twice as hard as the last!  I have Functional Anatomy and Pathology which are both much harder classes!  The other classes will be work, but not hard.  I love learning!   I hope that I am able to take classes the rest of my life!  I am having a lot of fun, and gaining so much experience and knowledge. 

Mid Terms

I had forgotten how hard school can be!  For all of you who just breezed through school, never studying, and getting great grades without the work, I say - "May something else in your life cause you the grief and hard work that I have to put into grades!"   Tests evey week, and studying Anatomy and Physiology is hard!  I must boast just a bit though, because mid-terms are over and I did REALLY well!!! I am pretty pleased because I have to admit I was awfully scared that I would fail those classes when I started.  Nothing like a bit of fear to get my butt in gear and push me to study non-stop for a week!

Well, there is the update.  I get my massage table next week, so if anyone wants me to practice on them and give them a "student massage" give me a call and we will get it going!

Prep for the Radnar

I have always admired the endurance of distance runners!  I love the power they seem to be able to tap into as they make their way up over hills, through cities and around lakes and rivers.  Constanly moving to a rythmn in their head and heart that carries them to the finish line. 

Paul was one of these people last year as he ran the Radnar and went on the 2 day trip that ended one of his life long goals.  I was envious and wished at the time that I could do the same, but I did not have the courage, energy or the vision to make it happen.  This year is different!  This year I will do something that I have always wondered if I could do.  I will run the Radnar and get that feeling of having done something hard over the period of several months in preparation. 

Running a race is similar to many things in life.  It takes consistantcey and determination.  It takes making that goal and then doing it day in and day out until at the last you are prepared to make that run from start to finish no matter how long it takes or how you feel at the moment.  I am excited and energized as I am getting started and making strides in my ability to do what I have never had enough desire to push through.  I am excited as my body respondes to me in new ways and with new demands and new energy as I make those little milestones that will make the big goal a possibility this summer.   I am making this a matter of a post so that I can be accountable to myself and everyone else out there.  I have announced that I am running the Radnar, I have signed up for it, and I am commited emotionally, physicially and energeticly to make this happen. 
On a side note, I have discovered that part of my inability in the past has been on account of my adreanals being extended beyond their healthy limit and as I have been fixing that I have a new energy that is amazing to me.  I have never in my life remembered when I have had more energy to do more and go farther for longer.  I have energy now like I did when I was a kid!  I am getting up at 5:30 am and going to the gym, going to school full time, coming home and cleaning, doing homework and hanging with my kids then going to bed around 10:30-11:00 pm without a blink in enenrgy!  IT IS AMAZING what I am learning about the human body!  I love it!!!  Knowledge really is power!

A&P

Anatomy and Physiology is a relativly hard class, not because the material is hard, or uninteresting, but because there is so much that must be memorized.  I am amazed at the funny little names that they put on the projections, dents and holes in the bones.  There is a name for every bone in the body and then ten names about the parts and things on every single bone!!!  Oh and then there is the inside of the bones and who knows what there will be when I get to the joints, muscles and organs.  And I just thought I had to learn all the bones and muslces. 

Going back to school has been exilerating and wonderful but also a big stress.  I spend more time than I ever did in any other class in college doing homework for these courses.  two papers due in a week or two, a test every week in Anatomy and massages to do daily and memorize the actions to.  Oh and did I mention that I have to memorize all the parts on the feet that correspond to the organs of the body.  All of this and there are only 7 weeks left of the quarter then there are the finial exams that I have to remember all the information for and spit it back out.  My memory has never been that great, and now I am asking it to recall forever all the things I am learning in this compact 10 weeks - ( then a year).  It is a bit insane!  But, I love it! 

I wish I could be one of those eternal students that I use to see up at USU that would go to school for years and years.  That would be my dream!  I would love to get a masters degree or even a phD!

BACK TO SCHOOL After 20 Years!

I have officially started school again! I am going to Myotherapy College of Utah full time and it is so much fun! Now that all of my children are in school full time it has been a bit of a time waster for me to be home all day with none of them here with me. I can only do so much laundry and go to the temple so much!!! So, I decided to go back and get a degree! When I was in college before I had a great time and studied what I thought I would love, but I didn't love it! What I would have loved to study was psycology, but I was too afraid that I would be found to be nuts and wouldn't reallly be able to help anyone anyway, so I did what was safe and what I could fail at.... Photography.

It is rather interesting that my grandfather Thatcher loved photography, but he was horrible at it. I think he really wanted to be good at it, but wasn't. I am that same person. My true calling in life is meant to be is in the compassionate service fields. My patriarticle blessing tells me that I will give compassionate service but when I was young I thought that meant being a nurse and I REALLY didn't want to be a nurse. I thought I couldn't do it, that I wasn't smart enough, and I don't think I could have then. It's funny, that now I would love to go back and study nursing! My interests have changed so much, or mayby I have just come to know myself better and therefore I have found out what I truly love. 40 years to find out what I enjoy???

I find it very compassionate that we live as long as we do and that we have time to find ourselves so that we can love others. I know many are able to give and express love from the day they are born, but not me. I have had to learn it, and it has been an amazing process, but a long one.

I really respect anyone who figures out what they love before they are 30 years old! But honestly, I don't think I would change a thing. I believe I took the route I did for a reason and it is perfect!