What We Do For Each Other

I have learned some interesting things in the past 24 hours! I have several friends that are suffering through some of the hardest trials I have ever seen up close and personally. They are having experiences that take my breath away, (like gettting the wind knocked out of you.) The pain they are going through seems to compair quite a bit with what Christ must have suffered on the cross and in Gethsemane. One of my friends was told in a blessing that this is what she was experiencing and that she needed to be grateful for these experiences because they would bring her closer to the Savior.

Heavenly Father allowed Abraham to experience the idea of sacrificing his son just as He would literally do many thousand years later. Abraham could then understand to a small degree what the Father would go through because he suffered it too. We are told that we will have to suffer even as the prophets suffered if we are to qualify for the same glory they recieve. This is what my good friends are going through now! This is what many go through in the last years of their lives when they can't die, but can't live without pain. My husbands grandma is suffering extreme pain from shingles and now another nerve disease that is painful and cronic. I remember my Grandma Thatcher lived too long (in her mind), and only wanted to die because she was so miserable. I have wondered why many times this is so.

Why do we have to suffer so much? Couldn't we appreciate the gift and sacrifice we have been given by just watching it?

We are told in the Bible that even the Savior "learned obedience by the things he suffered". I don't completely understand this. He was perfect, how much more obedient could he learn to be through suffering? but He did, so why do I think that I am above suffering when I must go through hard things now?

If Christ learned through suffering, and my friends have to learn through suffering, and I have learned through suffering, and even old, dying people learn through suffering, then all this suffering must lead us in some way back to the Savior, to His sacrifice and His love or we would not go through it.

As I sit with my friends and try and comfort them and love them, I am reminded of the feelings of deep remorse for what my part of the Saviors load was and is. I remember wanting to comfort and support and love Him while He was suffering on the cross and in the Garden. I felt immense gratitude for what He did for me. I remember hoping that somehow I had been allowed to send my love to Him during those hours of pain and agony. I am not sure that was possible then, or even if I understood pain and suffering in that perfect home on High, but I do know that I can do something now for others when they are suffering, and maybe, just maybe it will lift some of what the Savior carried in those hours of His deepest trial.

Always the statement: "When you have done it unto one of the least of these my breathren, ye have done it unto me" goes through my mind. Time is one eternal round and who is to say that what we do now for others didn't have an effect then? I know Christ suffered then for the sins I commit now. I don't know, but I hope that I can better "mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort". It makes sense to me now how this is part of the baptismal covenant and why it is what our desire will be when we have been converted. When we truely accept the Atonement and the suffering of the Savior as payment for our sins and the sins of others against us, we will want to do something for Him, and knowing there is nothing that equals His sacrifice, we look for someone else to serve as He served us. It seems it is all that we have, so we give it ALL hoping that it eases the pain and burden we caused Him.

I wonder if when we do these things we are in essence supporting the Savior in His darkest hour and upholding Him in His pain and suffering. We are saying that we appreciate what he did for us and what others are experiencing to be able to understand better what He suffered. Just like Abraham did when he offered to sacrifice Issac on the alter. Abraham didnt' have to go through with the sacrifice of Issac, and we can't go through what Christ did for us, but we can to a small degree understand what He suffered, so we can appreciate the sacrifice that really was performed for us by the greatest of us all; Jesus Christ!

So when my family and friends supported me through my pain and suffering, they were supporting the Savior too. Thank You! I hope that I can do the same for them and others. It is something that must be experienced to be understood, and if we try and keep all our pain to ourselves and suffer alone, we deny others the opportunity to support and love the Savior as He loves us.

All Moved In!!

Well, we're all moved in and mostly out of boxes! It feels so good to be able to find things in cupboards and drawers again. We are loving our new place, I'm excited to be moving on. I have to say that I am loving the small spaces again. I forgot how nice it is to rush through your whole house and have it cleaned in a half hour. Or how easy it is to stay organized when the place to put something is only a few feet away. These things are simple and beautiful things that I had forgotten in my huge house on the hill.

True the view is not as nice and the noise seems much closer and louder, but the over-all result is great! I love our new home and our new lifestyle. A house really does engender a lifestyle. If it takes more time to clean it than to do all the other important things on your list of things to do for the day then maybe it's not worth it.

I must admitt though that it did help teach my kids how to work! I always said "if you don't have a farm, a big house will do!" And it was true they all have a great work ethic because of that big house and that was a wonderful blessing. I think they have decided they have died and gone to heaven because the chores are so easy now and mom does most of them, but I figure that will change when the novelty wears off. We will just have to find places to go and people to serve that are out of the house now, and that seems like a worthy quest for all the time they now have on their hands. I hope they are prepared, but something tells me they aren't. Oh well, nothing like a suprise to shake things up!

Car Crashes and Our House...What's the deal?

This happened two weeks ago, but I forgot to publish it, you can have it now, and then there is another one coming on the moving in that we have just reciently done. It will go up tomorrow or the next day.

Ok, so I wrote about the last car crash that happened two weeks ago above our house and the car going off the edge of the road and almost crashing into our house. It was a bit weird and interesting, but what makes it even weirder is that it happened again tonight! The roads are not slippery, or wet, or anything, and yet tonight a boy driving (from the ward again) was coming around the corner and went off the side of the road into the ravine. This time he went much further off the road than the last kid. We heard the skid of the tires, then the crash and thought that maybe the house had been hit. It was that loud!!! We went outside and it was very dark, but Paul and Seth found the car, still running in the ravine next to our house.

If you have ever been to our house you know that it is not the ideal place to have a car accident. The road is VERY steep and the cliff that you would go off might kill you. When Paul and Seth got down to the car it was empty! That freaked us all out. We had already called the police and they had an ambulance coming, (the fire station is at the foot of the hill so we saw it leaving) but now we were even more worried. There was no one in the car!!! So maybe they had been thrown from the car.

Well it all turned out fine. The kid had jumped out of the car and run home. He and his parents had come up the hill and arrived just as the police got there. He seemed just fine and no worse for the ware. The house and property were fine, but still I have to wonder what the deal is with all these accidents on our property just as we are turning it over to the bank next week because of the foreclosure.

Nine years living here and no accidents, nine snowy, icy winters that people could have crashed into or around our house and they never have, and now as we leave, there are two very scary accidents where the boys driving the cars are fine, but they could have both easily died.... Why now, why here?

I think that sometimes things happen to help us see other things that are going on more clearly. There seems to be a reflection in the world and the same thing happens at many different levels over and over so that we can get the message more fully. I don't know, I just find it so interesting that these things seem to happen all at once, all in harmony. Is anything a coincidence?

Maybe it is just time for us to go and this is making the "break" easier. This house has been a very safe and happy home for us for a long time and now all of that is changing. It is time to move on and go somewhere else that is better for us. Safer!!! Either one of those cars could have easily come through the house and killed someone. It could have really been a mess, but it wasn't. It is only land, it is only property and nothing that is permanent. The mess could have been so big and had long lasting effects, but neither one of them did. They were minor bleeps in the radar. No big deal! I think it is the same with the loss of this house. It will be a minor bleep in the radar! No big deal!! Things that really seem like they can be a huge thing in the beginning when we are in the energy of the emotion, seem to turn out just fine and become minor when we have time to breath and see them in perspective. I know that a lot of people are going through foreclosure right now because I am told about and know or have met several of them reciently.

I really want them all to know that it is going to be OK! Everything is going to be OK! It is just like an accident that seems to be life threatening but it is not. It will have an effect on your car, but that can be fixed and we will come out the better for it. I know those boys that were driving will be better drivers because of these accidents, they will be more careful and smarter. I will too. I will have a blessing at the hands of the Lord for this trial, and so will anyone else that experiences it. The question isn't will there be a blessing for it, but when. The key isn't what will happen but how we will handle it. What we will choose to recieve from it, or "get from it".

"Do I Love You?"

I have often felt that answers to prayer are hard to get and I usually don't even know what I should ask, especially because I am only given the answers to the questions I ask and if I can only get the answer to the question I ask then the question is as, if not more important than the answer I seek. What I WANT to ask are the questions like; "why me, why now, why this thing". These questions always seem to be on the tip of my tounge but I have found that they don't seem to get me the response that calms my soul. But still I want to ask why I have to suffer? I have wondered what it is that I am to learn and what it is that only these experiences will teach me. Then, as I have passed through and come out the other side I have seen more clearly what great power and joy and experience I have aquired in the pain I have suffered. So, in my weakness, and especially then, I seem to need even the questions given to me.

On this particular day, feeling completely alone in my pain I went to the Lord and asked; Father what would you have me ask thee, I want to ask the right question so I can get the answer that will bring peace to my soul and understanding to my heart. What question should I ask?

The answer suprised me. It was so simple and clear and for the first time, really easy to get. He said: "Karen, ask Me if I love you."
Ok, that seems simple enough, so I asked; "Father, do you love me?" His reply was tender and clear; "Yes, Karen, I love you."

I thought, well that was good, maybe, I have just needed to ask what to ask all these years, now what else will He tell me, what else does He want me to know... So I asked again: "Father what else should I ask thee?"

The second time the answer came clear and simple, "Karen, ask me if I love you." Ok, so maybe I hadn't appreciated the first answer or maybe there was more to it, so I will ask again; "Father do you love me?" "Yes, Karen, I love you!"

I was beginning to feel His love now and began to be excited about the next answer He might give me. If He truely loved me there must be more information He would have for me. Maybe He was building my faith in the ease at getting these answers. I knew that the number two is symbolic of a witness, so He was witnessing to me that His love was true. How sweet. So once again I asked, "Father what now should I ask?"

And for the third time I was told "Karen, ask me if I love you."

I am slow, but not that slow, and I know that when Heavenly Father says something three times He's trying to make a point beyond the point that seems so obivious. He doesn't get confussed and just happen to say the same thing three times, and He doesn't do it just so we will remember, although remembering is important. I realized that this was the question that would bring me peace, understanding and joy, just as I had asked for. Why else would He have me ask the same question three times when I did not doubt His love for me, in fact I knew I was loved and had felt His love often. Why this question? Then I recieved that answer as I recieved the answer one last time to the important question He was having me ask; "Father do you love me?" Finially understanding the point of the question and the answer. "YES Karen, I love you!"

The information flooded over me and I was able to see that His perfect love meant something more, it meant that because He loved me so much that I would not be suffering these things for nothing. It meant that a loving Heavenly Father would not ask me to go through these hard things if it were not for my best good. It meant that He would not put me through pain for fun, or just for the experience of it. There was GREAT purpose in these trials and I could find joy in knowing that it was because I was loved that I recieved the trial. The trial was not just something to get through, but something that was going to be exactly what I need in my life, in my character, in my file of experiences to make me the person that I want to become. It is not done to bring me pain, or be something to endure to prove I can endure it and that I am a good person. There is more to it than that, and I can rest assured that "God chasenes (tries) those He loves" and my trials, or better yet, TRAILS are proof of that love for me! I am becoming more than I could be without them. His love, and these trials are proof that He is keeping His covenant with me and making me to "see as He sees and be as He is". My trials are proof that when I have passed through all that I have been given to pass through, I will be like Him because 'His work and His glory is to bring to pass MY immortality and MY eternal life.' And I know that nothing is wasted in that process and my experiences are for me to become like Him!

We all want to ask the wrong questions sometimes and don't understand that these questions will be answered, but the answers are not the answers we are looking for. The answer to all of our questions is in the question "Do you love me Heavenly Father?" If the answer to this is "YES my child, I love YOU, more than you know or can now feel, I love you!", then every other question pales by compairison! All is in the answer of Gods love for us!

Preserves and More Preserves!

I have spent the last 3 days making and bottling more jam, jelly, conserves, salsa, compote, and brandied fruits than I ever thought I would! I figured that if I had to box up jars they may as well be full ones! I have made two batches of salsa, and 40+ jars of other types of beautiful preserves. It has been a mad frenzie of chop, mix, steam and boil! I suppose that the uncertainty of what is going to be happening in my life and home in the next month or so has driven me a bit mad and so I have decided to take control where I can - the kitchen!

I have made so many different types of preserves that I have stopped counting. My favorite has been the Rum Apricots. They are beautiful as well as delicious. Then of course is the Apple Pie in a Jar, and Carrot Cake Jam. I never knew you could make such pretty little jars of Heaven. Pears, apples, raisins, apricots, blueberries, tomatoes, etc. Even a beautiful apple-curry chutney was bottled last week by yours truely.

I think my facination with preserves came while we lived in France 12 years ago. Weekly we went to the "SUPER" as the big excursion of the week. We found the beautiful jars of "Bonne Maman" in all the delicious flavors a sweet and delicious way to experience a country we didn't have the finances to really see as tourists. My Favorite was the Wild Blueberry or the Four Fruits! At $6 a jar at speciality stores here in SLC I don't think I will be able to put them in my pantry. But back then they were the treat on fresh, hot, bagettes that made us feel like we were living the high life, while scrimping and collecting our "centimes" (french pennies) to be able to keep the lights on. It was a way of splurging while being responsible.

I suppose that is what I have been doing this past week as I have been making and storing bottles of beautiful fruit and vegetables in pretty little jars, preparing for the sweet, responsible times that are sure to be required of us again now and in the future, where the surroundings are sparce, and the entertainment is simple, but the food is good and we are prepared, "come what may and love it!"

The "Bonne Maman" (good mother) in me requires it!

Life is a Comedy!!!

Yes you heard it folks, life is a comedy!!! I feel like I am living in one of Shakespears plays at the moment and it is all a bit funny in a disturbing kinda way but I'm getting a kick out of it all the same just as you might from his play "Much Ado About Nothing".

Last night at 12 midnight I heard a big crash and thought that maybe the raccoon was out trying to kill our last chicken standing (out of the 20 we have purchased), but 20 min later my neightbor rang my door bell and we found out that his brother had almost driven off the ledge of the wall just above our house. The only thing that stopped him were the rocks and trees we had put in just a few years ago! Yes they saved a life, just as Paul thougth they might. It was a good thing but now we have all these stubbs of trees coming out of the ground and very large rocks that have been moved great distances and don't quite look right anymore. If it weren't so obiviouse that this was not what was intended by the landscape artist you might think that someone just had really bad taste. I really am facinated by the effort Satan is going to in meddling with our lives, our home and our family! It seems nothing is going to be left untouched.

It happened to be the Bishops son that was in the accident and he is alright, a bit shaken up but fine, and the car didn't seem to sustain much damage either! Just a bit of fender and bumper dents. It was kinda scary at the time because the back tires of the car were off the ledge and could have fallen into our front yard and through the front door at any time. Funny huh!!!

Remember how the saints had a period of great chaos and termoil as Joseph Smith spent 6 months in jail and the apostles were abroad as missionaries and the saints were driven from their homes and killed and hunted? Well, I take great comfort in knowing that they lived (well most of them did) through their trials and came out ahead and so will we. It was also a time of GREAT time of growth in the church when 7-8000 new converts were baptised in the space of one year! Satan didn't want this to happen so he tried his hardest to stop the progress of the saints by up-rooting them and bringing great chaos to their lives through their enemies. He will go to great lengths to stop us (all of us).

Although I know that I am not suffering to any degree as greatly as they did, I also find comfort that Satan finds me someone of consequence to try and push around. There must be something he does not want me to do or I do not think so much effort would be put into my little life when it would be so easy for things to be set right, if that were the plan.

The exciting part of the screen play is that the lyrics to Paul's song are finially done and he sent them to his friend that plays for Kenny Chesney. His name is Nick and he thinks they are great and is really excited to put them to music. They turned out even better than I though and Paul was quit pleased as well. Just you wait, he will have a top ten hit soon and that will also be interesting to see how that "plays-out" in this little "play" of ours.

Here's to the "Comedy of Life" and the fun it can be to watch it unfold! Oh, the great screen-writer God is!

My MOST AMAZING Family!

I know that there are some that think that their family is the best but I am here to let you all know that hands down I have the most amazing family in the world! I know that others have real reasons to believe they are blessed and I am sure they are, but if you even try to argue with me in my thinking that your family is better than mine you will have a real fight on your hands!

The secret is out I guess that we have lost our home to foreclosure and that Paul's business has failed. It all happened in the same week and it was, to say the least, a bit overwhelming! One day we were all thinking that the banks were going to work with us and re-modify our home loan and the next they told us that they sold it on the court house steps and we will have basicly a month to get out. It was quite a whirlwind and then that same week Pauls landlord told them that they had to be out in 36 hours! Yep, we have moved a house and a business this week and decided that if it is ok with all of you we don't really need any of it (the trappings of this earth) All that is really necessary is the love of a good family and the spirit to sustain us.

When I called my mother the morning of the foreclosure I cried and hurt. She was out of town helping my sweet sister Laura have her 3rd baby and couldn't do a thing, but of course she called in the army and hearlded the troops and my family was on the property not 5 hours later helping to pack and load up a trailer to take to Logan and store in the warehouse while we find the next place to land. Not many sisters and brothers in law would be so generouse to take work off and leave their own responsibilites and come to the aid of their sister but mine did! They were amazing! Then they took all our stuff to Logan and unloaded it themselves without us there. Kyle and Riley were amazing and didn't quit working even while the rest of us rested between loads. The help they gave me was as if there had been a death in the family and they were there to support and sustain us!

Before they got there I decided that I needed some perspective in all of this and went to the Lord, again as well. He is always so merciful and gives me just what I need (including the family that I often take for granted). Well, anyway, I was reading in D&C 121 1-8 where Joseph Smith pleads with the Lord during the saints direst trials and this is what Heavenly Father tells him: "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thing afflictions shall be but a small moment: and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triump over all thy foes." Well, this has the possibility of making someone who is suffering very angry because I promise this past year has not been "but a small moment" and the experiences that lie ahead don't seem to be small in time either. Then I thought I better look at it from an eternal perspective and figure out what Heavenly Father meant by what he said.

So I took the understanding that a day in Gods time is a thousand years our time. With this I did the math and figured that if we live until we are 80 years old we will have spent 2 hours of one day Gods time here on Earth. That means that we could have gotten up, had breakfast, said our good buys to Heavenly Parents and brothers and sisters, come to Earth for our 80 years, and been home before lunch! What a small moment! Do you remember what you did last week between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. on any day? I would have to really think about it! I remember that one of my labor and deliveries was 3 hours and that was really painful and hellish the whole time and it seems but a small moment to me now. I can hardly remember what the big deal was. I knew that I could do anything for a few hours!

And now here I am on Earth and I have forgotten all that I knew before and I have lost the perspective of what a "small thing" it is to endure 2 hours of heavenly time, on top of the fact that much of what I am experiencing that is painful is just the sprinkling on the beautiful sunrises and sunsets of my life. The beautiful things that happen are far more often and far more memorable than the pain, if I choose them to be.

So here's to my 2 hours of eternal time here on Earth, can I endure it well? Can I remember what it is to have the confidence that I can do hard things when the Lord is with me? Can I rememer that I shouted for joy at the opportunity to come here and experience the bitter and the sweet and give glory to God in all of it? Yes!!!!! Today I can! And to have a family that supports and loves me even when they have to come to my rescue and save me from my mudpuddles makes it all the better to remember that I came from a loving family in the eternities and I can be excited to return home to the Heavenly Courts on High and embrace my Father and Mother and thank them for the pain and the joy of going to Earth School and gaining experience! They have and are and always will turn those mudpuddles and rainstorms into sunshine and joy! The bitter BECOMES the sweet as we look back on it and see the strength we gained and power we garnered from the trials. I am grateful and it is enough to love and be loved!