Sunday, August 30, 2009

"Do I Love You?"

I have often felt that answers to prayer are hard to get and I usually don't even know what I should ask, especially because I am only given the answers to the questions I ask and if I can only get the answer to the question I ask then the question is as, if not more important than the answer I seek. What I WANT to ask are the questions like; "why me, why now, why this thing". These questions always seem to be on the tip of my tounge but I have found that they don't seem to get me the response that calms my soul. But still I want to ask why I have to suffer? I have wondered what it is that I am to learn and what it is that only these experiences will teach me. Then, as I have passed through and come out the other side I have seen more clearly what great power and joy and experience I have aquired in the pain I have suffered. So, in my weakness, and especially then, I seem to need even the questions given to me.

On this particular day, feeling completely alone in my pain I went to the Lord and asked; Father what would you have me ask thee, I want to ask the right question so I can get the answer that will bring peace to my soul and understanding to my heart. What question should I ask?

The answer suprised me. It was so simple and clear and for the first time, really easy to get. He said: "Karen, ask Me if I love you."
Ok, that seems simple enough, so I asked; "Father, do you love me?" His reply was tender and clear; "Yes, Karen, I love you."

I thought, well that was good, maybe, I have just needed to ask what to ask all these years, now what else will He tell me, what else does He want me to know... So I asked again: "Father what else should I ask thee?"

The second time the answer came clear and simple, "Karen, ask me if I love you." Ok, so maybe I hadn't appreciated the first answer or maybe there was more to it, so I will ask again; "Father do you love me?" "Yes, Karen, I love you!"

I was beginning to feel His love now and began to be excited about the next answer He might give me. If He truely loved me there must be more information He would have for me. Maybe He was building my faith in the ease at getting these answers. I knew that the number two is symbolic of a witness, so He was witnessing to me that His love was true. How sweet. So once again I asked, "Father what now should I ask?"

And for the third time I was told "Karen, ask me if I love you."

I am slow, but not that slow, and I know that when Heavenly Father says something three times He's trying to make a point beyond the point that seems so obivious. He doesn't get confussed and just happen to say the same thing three times, and He doesn't do it just so we will remember, although remembering is important. I realized that this was the question that would bring me peace, understanding and joy, just as I had asked for. Why else would He have me ask the same question three times when I did not doubt His love for me, in fact I knew I was loved and had felt His love often. Why this question? Then I recieved that answer as I recieved the answer one last time to the important question He was having me ask; "Father do you love me?" Finially understanding the point of the question and the answer. "YES Karen, I love you!"

The information flooded over me and I was able to see that His perfect love meant something more, it meant that because He loved me so much that I would not be suffering these things for nothing. It meant that a loving Heavenly Father would not ask me to go through these hard things if it were not for my best good. It meant that He would not put me through pain for fun, or just for the experience of it. There was GREAT purpose in these trials and I could find joy in knowing that it was because I was loved that I recieved the trial. The trial was not just something to get through, but something that was going to be exactly what I need in my life, in my character, in my file of experiences to make me the person that I want to become. It is not done to bring me pain, or be something to endure to prove I can endure it and that I am a good person. There is more to it than that, and I can rest assured that "God chasenes (tries) those He loves" and my trials, or better yet, TRAILS are proof of that love for me! I am becoming more than I could be without them. His love, and these trials are proof that He is keeping His covenant with me and making me to "see as He sees and be as He is". My trials are proof that when I have passed through all that I have been given to pass through, I will be like Him because 'His work and His glory is to bring to pass MY immortality and MY eternal life.' And I know that nothing is wasted in that process and my experiences are for me to become like Him!

We all want to ask the wrong questions sometimes and don't understand that these questions will be answered, but the answers are not the answers we are looking for. The answer to all of our questions is in the question "Do you love me Heavenly Father?" If the answer to this is "YES my child, I love YOU, more than you know or can now feel, I love you!", then every other question pales by compairison! All is in the answer of Gods love for us!


Lindsey Smith said...

LOVE his post! thank you for sharing, i so needed that today. I think i often forget how much he loves me. I know that he loves everyone else but sometimes i think i;m not part of that. Thank You!

Amy said...

Wow! Thank you so, SO much for sharing this. I so love to over complicate things and Heavenly Father knows exactly how to get us back to the sweet and simple truths. Really needed to hear this. Thanks again.

John & Tresa Martindale said...

Beautiful post Karen..
Iv'e always admired your deep strength and faith. You hang in there friend. You have more talent and courage than most. You are a great mother, and you are much loved!!!


theadventursofsidandlinda said...

Thank you my dear for your clarity, your insights, your faith and your example. I love and admire you deeply. Love mom.

ljtalley said...

You are such an amazing person in SOO many different ways, you have such an amazing ability to receive and understand what it is the the Lord is saying, that is such a gift. Thank you for your love for the Lord, and thank you for making this very hard and difficult thing you have been going through put you that much closer to the Lord... you are such an amazing example. I love you Karen. Thank you for your strength!!!