The Rest of The Story!

I can't say my life is boring right now that is for sure! But I would like to say that it is slow for one minute. I think it is interesting that things come in three's. Three car accidents, three deaths, three trials, I believe it is Gods way of pushing all our buttons at once so that we are off balance and can't do it without Him. He really wants us to know how dependant we are on Him, so you will seldom get just one trial (trail) to walk at a time. I use to think that if it's a big one maybe it will be the only one you get, but it seems that the larger the trial the sooner you get another one to go with it.

So you are probobly asking what the big deal is and what else could I possibly have on my plate so I will let you all in. I was diagnosed with a large lump in my breast. They said that it does not look like it is the scary kind but that it is large enough that it will need to be taken out. I went and had all the tests and it turned out to be no big deal. They took it out and it isn't even the kind they run tests on to make sure it isn't cancer. That one is over and is resolved. I am grateful for that for sure! I had the few days of panic and fear that maybe my children would be raising themselves and then it was all over.

Next, Paul was called to the Elders Quarum Presidency, and of course we still have the Seth is a toad issue, although that one is beginning to be resolved. Then the business and finances have never stopped being an issue for us. It seems that we are always just on the verge of jumping to warp speed when something happens and stops us from launching and we fall flat on our butts. Then there is the house issue that is not going away, although we think we will be able to Loan mod and keep it. These last two are having to do with money of course, the ever elusive companion we are hoping will condasend to attend us for a few weeks at a time.

When we went into the Stake Presidents office he knew very well all that we were going through except the breast lump (this was before we knew it was all going to be alright) and he was amazing and the spirit was very strong. He told us that they had prayed about it and that they were impressed to make this calling even with all that we have on our plate right now. Then the High Councilman for our ward who used to be in the stake presidency told a sweet story and how he was impressed to tell us that the Lord knew and was intimatly aware of us and our situation. I was very touched and impressed with how much thought and prayer they had put into this calling for Paul. I know that Paul will do wonderfully and that he has a great deal to offer the Elders of the ward. This calling will be a blessing to our family. Now we have a reason for the business to succeed and for the house issues to be resolved. I know that we are being watched out for and that we will come off conquerer! It is only a matter of time.

I believe that ifyou want a blessing from the Lord, go do your calling better and the Lord will do your other work for you. If you serve Him, He will serve you. Which He does no matter what but it is like the time that you put into your calling He puts into everything you can't do because of your calling. If it is your family, or your business, or your home or whatever, He gets 10 x's as much done in the time that you do so little for Him. It is not a fair trade for Him, but it's what He offers us in His great mercy and grace. It always turns out to our advantage. The reward is always balanced in our favor, always!!! The callings we hold are blessings that we can't get on our own because we are not able to do them alone or we do not qualify for them. So I wonder if the best way to qualify for a blessing is to do our callings better. It is a no brainer if you ask me. Of course the most important calling is that of Mother and Father and those are the ones we need to focus on the most, but when the Lord calls (by sending children into your home) the Lord qulifies!

This Storm is Beautiful!

I have more than I can handle in my life right now and I wonder if I can put it all together into a cohereant sentence that will tell others what I think is important and how to find it. The sad part is I don't think I really understood what it is that I wanted, until lately. Some people come into this life with goals, desires, and experiences that are focused and that they work toward with gusto. I did not get this gene in my DNA. All I knew is that I wanted to have experiences with Heavenly Father. There has never been anything else in my life that has held my attention. Not even my family, until lately. It seems that I have just in the past few years begun that road where I like where I am going and I have a bit of the focus I think a person should have. I have never thought I would be where I am, but here I am, and loving it!

I stand here thinking that there has got to be something that makes all of this so sweet, something that can be explained, and then I wonder WHY I am so happy when there is so much to be miserable about? I guess part of it is my children. They are the part of my life that makes the rest worth it, and I never thought I would be that person. You see, I was born without a mother bone. I often have thought that I should have been a boy because I have more emotions like them. It has always been easier for me to be logical than emotional. Not that I haven't had the emotion, I just didn't like it. I guess I couldn't really "feel" it. It was all just one extreme after another without anything really sweet.

Now it is different. I have something I didn't know was possible. I have that "joi de vive" that I have so often wondered if it really existed. And of all the times in my life that it should not be present, it is here now. How could one little relationship bring so much joy into my life? How could I have what I have always wanted, now, when before it was only a dream and one that I didn't know how to attain? I guess when you think you might loose something you really want it and pay more attention to it and find greater joy in it. That is my experience with parenthood, both that of being a parent and being parented. As long as it is easily attainable then it is nice but not priceless, when it is thougth to be lost, it becomes of great value.

I love my sweet Father who stands with me in everything and brings peace to the storm. Thunder storms and lightening are scary and beautiful; when we are children we think that they are more scary than beautiful, when we grow up, we only see the beauty. It's the same with trials. They are only scary when we are little and don't understand that if we will but trust in the Savior, we will be alright, and not only alright but in a beautiful place that we get to experience with Heavnly Father, a beautiful place that fills us with awe and respect and dare I say it, joy!

If you move one letter in the word "trial" you get "trail". Trails take us to new and wonderus places, filled with joy and beauty. This is what I am finding in my life. Trials that have become trails that are leading me to sweet and profound moments with my best and most loyal Friend. I only want to testify of His love and let eveyone know of the hand that is upon them at all times. If we could only see what is real. If we could see how He is constantly with us and walks in our paths and brings joy to the moment when we notice Him, then we find true joy! There is nothing better than noticing that we are not alone in a moment of hardship and pain along our trail. The tender arms of a loving parent wrapped around us or holding our hand and wispering encouraging words. I think it is worth the stubbed toe on the "trail" of life. It is an adventure that I choose, one that I would not trade for all the money or "picture perfect" moments in the world!